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| The scar today.....pretty small huh? |
Okay, so not surprisingly pretty much the first thing anyone has said to me in the last 4 months is - "How's the back?" usually only preceded by " Hi, how are you?"
Now I'm not complaining about people being concerned and interested in my welfare and to be fair it's not like I've had a whole lot else to report in that time! But I thought I'd share a few thoughts now that I am over 18 weeks post operative.
I guess the first thing is to wonder whether it has been a success - and probably the trickiest question to answer - I'm still not really sure! It's really hard to know as it still isn't right but then it's not so long since someone hacked it open and shoved some lego in so I'm not sure what to think.....
Does it still hurt? Well yes, but not in the same way as it did before. I went back to see my surgeon a couple of weeks ago and did ask whether it should still be sore and a bit stiff and he seemed totally unfazed and said yes that was normal and that he was expecting further improvement and to come back in 8 months when it'll be a year.
I guess the difference now is that the pain has a very different character to it or at least most of the time, although last weekend I was quite distraught to find that it did feel very similar to a "bad" day before surgery. A chat with Andy, who is working up in Scotland at the moment, had me almost persuaded that it may well have something to do with having been packing up stuff in our room in Wales, digging around under the bed etc. But it's still there in the back of my mind, was it worth it??
I now do have moments of time when it is actually completely pain free and that is a massive change - before I never had a single moment when I didn't have a least some niggly pain always gnawing away at me. I had learned to tune it out and ignore it and still did all the things that I loved because it made me even more miserable not too. I'd been assured that it probably wouldn't make it much worse to climb and cycle and go in the hills so I just adapted how I did things. I never made certain movements, I never arched my back and I was constantly being careful when I was stepping down especially with a rucksack full of rack (or ML camping kit). Most people would never have realised I was doing it and I think I did a pretty good job of hiding it most of the time but if I was occasionally grumpy - maybe this will explain it! Sorry!
Next question - can I do everything again now? Can I climb? Can I work? The answer to those is no, no and no! Perhaps I ought to qualify that! No I can't do everything again, not yet and probably not for a while, but on the positive side I can now do loads of things that 2 months ago would have seemed bonkers! I can ride my bike which is brilliant, I had started using a turbo trainer for a while but now I can actually head out on the roads although I'm probably not supposed to fall off it, which so far I've avoided. I got given the go ahead by the physio to try and give running a go. Now running is not something I've ever done much of, my annual run around Llyn Padarn was about the height of it, but I haven't been able to run for the last 2 years or so due to the pain caused by impact. I have started doing some mini-runs on mostly flat terrain but the amazing thing is that it doesn't seem to have any serious effect. I'm not convinced I'll become a uber fell runner but it's kind of nice to be able to do it if I want too.
Can I climb - hmmmm well as I mentioned earlier in the blog I was allowed to go just before christmas and it didn't feel too bad in terms of the back - but somehow I've managed to injure my shoulder - possibly due to swimming which I've stopped doing for a while and I'm going to get the shoulder looked at very soon!! So climbing is still off the menu until I've got the shoulder sorted! Talk about unfair!!
Work is the next step - now according to the governement I am fit to work, but unfortunately I'm not fit to do the work that I am actually qualified to do, which is awkward! Don't really think I feel fit enough to be responsible for other people yet, not in full on mountain places and I can't climb so that takes out that side of things for a bit longer oh and I'm not supposed to be carrying heavy rucksacks for quite a while so lots of mountain instructor work is definitely off for this summer. I am therefore seeking out a bit of a career change...............................not quite sorted it out yet so meanwhile I'm a shuffling dole-y!!
I'm still working on the range of movement I have, same old story you get lots back quickly and then the last bit is going to take well........as long as it takes I suppose. I have been trying to be patient and I have tried not to do more than I should be during the recovery (not much chance of getting too carried away with the eagle eyes of my folks and Andy on me). So I guess I just need to stick with it and keep pushing the boundries as much as possible.
Meanwhile I better get training on my bike (which at least doesn't hurt the shoulder), don't want to let the Coven down with a shoddy performance in the Snowdonia Slateman.
